The cost of flying...

Hello my friends,

Life has been... well life. I have recently moved which necessitated a new home study with Social Welfare. The home study was last Monday and went really well. So many of you were praying - thanks so much! The next matching meeting was scheduled for yesterday (Friday August 28) but it looks like it will be held today. God's will be done and may lots of precious children receive forever families!

I wanted to share with you a wonderful yet heart-breaking experience that happened just a couple of days ago. I've had to take time to really process the experience and look for God in it and how He desires to use MAF - and even me to His glory...

Last Thursday while we were having lunch there was a code one call (emergency medical flight) for a woman who had given birth to triplets just that morning. The call was coming from the other side of the country, about 45 minutes by plane 8 hours or so driving on curvy, often bumpy, mountain roads. Just the thought of a bumpy ride for a few minutes let alone 8 hours... after having just given birth to triplets *ouch* Can you even imagine it?

Justin was taking the call and asked if I would go with him - it had been a long time since I had the chance to fly along so I jumped at the opportunity. He had a small ulterior motive, as there were 3 babies and we weren't sure whether or not a nurse would be accompanying the new mom, he was hoping I'd get to hold one of the brand new babies on our return flight. He knows how my heart longs to be a mom and how much I love children of all ages.

We arrived in Mokhotlong and then I saw the new mother, she was a small woman, with wide, dark and questioning eyes. Our eyes met, I offered a smile and she shyly returned it. I greeted her in Sotho and that brightened her face just a little, but the fear was still there in her eyes.

I started to think about what the day must have been like for her. A woman who had likely not been educated as she wasn't able to speak any English, which likely means she was from a village and not from Mokhotlong at all. Students here all speak English as most of their education and textbooks are in English. So she had to travel to the hospital to have her babies, and discovers while giving birth she has 3 and not just one. I doubt she had an ultrasound or any pre-natal care for that matter. Then she hears that one of the three is very, very small 1.2 kg which is just over 2 1/2 pounds. This child, and truthfully all of her children as the other two were both just under 4 pounds each, needed medical care as they were all so very small. The two bigger babies were strapped to her held on by a blanket as is the custom here and they were able to nurse from her. I saw an IV but I'm not certain if it was attached to the mother or one of the babies as she was well covered in blankets. The nurse who did join us, was holding the third smallest baby. This baby wasn't moving, it was making no noise whatsoever, it was so very small and so very pale... it could have easily passed for Caucasian. Justin carefully got them in and fastened and I kept turning around to offer a smile and hope to catch a glimpse of these brand new Basotho children.

It was her first flight - and the first for the nurse as well. Both women looked pale at the thought that they would soon be in the air in a very loud plane. We did our best to communicate the time it would take and that I was there to offer help if it was needed. We got smiles and nods, but who knows how much they understood? We offered ear plugs for the noise... they'd never experienced them before. So many things that are so common place for me were full of wonder to them and likely fear inducing.

I found myself very worried for the smallest child on our flight home. Every so often the nurse would pat the baby on the back as if trying to wake it, she had also been using a small mask over the baby's nose and mouth attached to a bottle she would squeeze to force air in. She had been squeezing it for the first 20 or so minutes - and then she stopped.

All I could think was, "Dear God please help that little one make it, why isn't she squeezing it anymore, shouldn't she be squeezing it still???"

When we landed I tried to ask the nurse the baby's condition but she didn't want to answer with it's mother nearby... but there was a knowing look we shared. Justin had seen the baby when helping her exit and had the same look too. You know that look of sadness and resignation. He kindly offered, "I was really hoping you would get to hold one of the babies, but maybe it is better you didn't... I'm really not sure that one made it."

Our guys deal with death all the time - sometimes before they can get there with the plane, sometimes in the hospital after we've flown a patient that was just beyond saving, in spite of the time saved getting them to the help they need. And sometimes like this day, the patient dies while in the plane. It is an amazing burden these pilots carry. Flying with excellence knowing lives depend on it, and sometimes witnessing those lives passing into eternity. I so appreciate the hard work these guys do everyday - to the glory of God.

I very much look forward to the day when there will be no more language barriers, no more death and no more tears. 

Exceedingly abundantly beyond what I could have dreamed...

Hi Family & Friends,

It's been nearly a month since I last posted... forgive me for my silence. Life's been... well, life. Unpredictable, full of ups and downs, several good-byes... including a good-bye to my home for the past 5 years. 

One thing you learn quickly when you live over-seas is the transient nature of community that exists. Case in fact, when I first arrived in Lesotho, in April 2010, the number one question I received when meeting someone, aside from them asking my name was,

"How long will you be here?"

Seems innocent enough, right? But what people were really trying to gage was whether or not they would invest in a relationship with me. Whether because of transfers, end of contracts, furloughs or some other reason; Expats (people who reside in one country but are citizens of another country) come and go rather quickly here. MAF missionaries make up many of the "long-timers" in our Expat missionary community. In the past couple of weeks two families left our program not to return; the Peters and the Clarks. The Peters, originally from Canada, have moved north to a position in Kenya. They heard help was needed and though they will be very isolated, they stepped out in faith to move after raising their 5 children in Lesotho over the last 15 years. The Clarks, were only slightly behind them having been here 10 years with their three kids and serving in Mali before that. They are heading stateside for awhile, primarily due to educational needs for their boys. There is not a High School here in Lesotho that will prepare children for university admittance in the US, so many families find themselves forced to leave. I'm not a fan of good-byes and I already miss them all.

One of the strangest realizations of the past several weeks is that I'm now one of the "old-timers" in Lesotho. How strange is that? I've only been here 5 years and I feel as if I'm just starting to figure some things out, but the reality is... with most folks staying somewhere between 2-3 years or less, I'm a seasoned veteran of the Expat community. Since I'm an extrovert, love kiddos, love animals, love new things, new foods and exploring... I'm a bit of a Cruise Director. Barb (who I'll talk about below) even referred to me lovingly as Julie McCoy... I wonder how many of you will get that reference? One of the gifts I get to bring to the community is connectivity. I like connecting people, sharing vision, praying over this beautiful, albeit relatively unknown place we all call home. I fervently pray for those of us who are here to expand Jesus' kingdom in this little corner of southern Africa. It's a gift to know God has me here, in this season and for this reason - it's my spiritual gifting and purpose!

Because the Clarks were going, it opened up an opportunity for me to move into their home. It's beautiful! Barb Clark, who is a dear friend to me and the same age, is so artsy and she never sat still so there are cool mosaics on many of the outside walls, the kitchen cabinets are covered with coffee bags of the coffee they have enjoyed from all over the world, the garden has a path with cool stones she collected that "caught her eye" over the past decade - it's gorgeous. While I love art, creating it isn't my forte, so inheriting this place is very meaningful. There are memories of them everywhere! I share their love of coffee and on the cupboards are a few coffee bags from California, since they call Atascadero home. Don't you love how God goes over the top to say, "This is especially for you, just to remind you how much I love you." God has truly given me exceedingly, abundantly more than I could have asked for or even dreamed! This home will allow me to host gatherings, to exercise my connectivity gifting, to create a place for community - I'm so very excited!

Perhaps the most stunning part of the home, aside from having space to host people and a large garden where children can run and play, is the view... What a view! The sun sets just over my garden wall and the view is into South Africa, a horizon for miles dotted with an occasional butte here and there... it's like something out of a John Ford western. I hope to begin taking pictures and posting them for you, so that you'll be able to enjoy my home too. It's probably worth mentioning that I now have several bedrooms which can host friends, so you could come and see it for yourselves... hint hint!

More soon...Love from Lesotho!
Kimberly

Choosing love in the face of apathy

Since my last blog post I have been in a heart-sore place. While there are many wonderful things about Lesotho, my least favorite thing here is the crippling apathy that is manifest in every level of society from the way people drive, to the running of government offices, to late payments or worse non-payment of bills... there is this pervasive sense of resignation and nonchalance. It reminds me of the final words from Bohemian Rhapsody:

"Nothing really matters, anyone can see... nothing really matters... nothing really matters to me."

OK for a song I suppose, but for the mindset of a country... not so much.

Fighting against apathy is an exercise in futility - as Solomon wisely observed, it is like beating the wind. A tremendous amount of energy expended and very little to anything accomplished. It's tiring me in every way; mentally, physically and emotionally. 

Yet with this exhaustion, there has been peace and there has been joy too. I know God is with me in this battle and I'm discovering there is still so much in me that needs refining. It is when I am up against apathy that the ugliness in me leaps to the surface. I find that while I'm normally patient, in the face of apathy I easily lose patience. While I'm not using inappropriate language, and I'm not screaming, my delivery could certainly use more gentleness and humility. I keep asking myself, even though I'm upset by their actions, and what I perceive as a lack of care...

Is it my first priority in my interactions with Basotho, that they know I love them, can they see Jesus in me? 

I have a long way to go on the road to Christ-likeness, but I'm grateful that God continues to chip away at my character flaws. I've got to tell you friends, having the ugly in me brought out to the surface - it's not my favorite thing. Who likes having to stare face to face into their character flaws?

The Bible has something to say on this score too...

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:22-24

Do what it says... what it says more than any other thing is to love. 

Broken

***Warning*** This is about as raw and honest as I know how to be, I've prayed and wondered if I should even share this, but as I was writing to my MAF teammates I realized that many of you who read these words are also my teammates. You care for me, pray for me, financially support me - and you should know how to direct your prayers. I covet your prayers more than ever before and I deeply love you and thank you for carrying me to Jesus, especially in this matter. This was written to my MAF teammates - hopefully it will make sense to you. Please feel free to ask questions or for clarification if you would like to know more.

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from a number I didn't recognize - usually I tend to not answer, but I did. It was one of the Social workers. She called to inform me that another home visit is needed - this is because when she came in August last year, my water meter was broken. I'm sure some of you remember that event and prayed it would all work out for me in spite of not being able to wash clothes or do dishes, clean my home, etc. I had just returned from being away 10 days to discovering the water issue. It was during that holiday that they decided they MUST IMMEDIATELY see my home. It might be worth mentioning they said they were going to come in March... they finally got around to me in August. Are you seeing the pattern here?

All this to say, I shared with 'Me that I was home with a cold and that it wouldn't be possible for me to go to get her, bring her to my home to conduct an inspection and then drive her back to her workplace. I further asked why, when I have called them every month and in fact had done so just last Thursday to confirm the next matching meeting was to be held the following day. (That meeting as you know has been postponed and not yet rescheduled) But I asked why is it that she hadn't ever mentioned the need for another home inspection? I reminded her that I work and were I not home ill, I would have been out at the international airport without my car as I carpool, and wouldn't have been able to drop everything just so they could verify that I have water. And by the way, I told her the water meter was repaired the day after her visit 10 months ago - why is it only now that this has become an issue? I had shared with her when she was in my home that as soon as I dropped her off I was going to WASCO to get the meter fixed - and I did. Does this mean that the past 10 months I really wasn't eligible to adopt? 

I have to be honest, I'm in a bad place. I was tired, I was sick, I was caught off guard and I wasn't as calm as I would have liked to have been. I'm now wondering if I have done irreparable damage to my case. If because Social Welfare cannot or will not plan ahead, I'm now being punished because I was frustrated in my response. When I asked her does this affect my case? Am I not able to be matched until you see my home? When will the next meeting be? She answered by saying, 

"I can see you are upset, we'll talk another time." 

I told her NO, I want to understand since this is the first I am hearing from you in 10 months and what I thought was sorted - seems to now be a problem. A problem you want to resolve immediately but have never mentioned to me until this moment. And unfortunately a problem I'm not in a position to resolve with so little warning.

Friends, I'm as broken as I have ever been... short of the day my Father died (I was 14) and the day I was in the accident involving a child in Mokhotlong (5 years ago) - this has been the most excruciating experience in my life. And the truth is - it isn't about me, not really; it is about the children. Orphans who are institutionalized, and they are the lucky ones as many aren't even in orphanages. Children who are stuck in a system that is run by apathy and nonchalance. Children who don't realize how many people are in line just waiting to welcome them into a loving family. Children who are the innocent victims and who with every passing day will have a harder time adjusting and bonding to loving parents/families. It makes me sick! Truthfully if I could fix the system and it meant I gave up my right to mother one of the aforementioned children, I would do so in a heart beat. I know of several families who wanted to specifically adopt Basotho children but gave up because it was taking so long - they ended up getting children from Ethiopia, Kenya, etc. There are children here that would have had a home, but it was forfeited for them by Social Welfare and their inaction - infuriating!


I'm tired and I'm desperately sad. I want to continue to fight, but it's hard - so hard. These aren't just orphans - these are children, some of whom I know, who know me. They aren't nameless and faceless. I've fed them and held them and smeared vaseline on them after bath time. I've sung and played - I've ached when they cried when I had to put them down and walk away. I know some of their stories and I've cried out to God for them that He would give them a loving home, and a family of their own. That He would redeem the ugly they've already endured in their short lives and restore what the locusts have eaten... You know me, you know my heart and you know how much I have longed for a child of my own. 

I'm honestly not sure where things stand now. I'm nervous that in my exhaustion and aggravation I've shot myself in the foot, so to speak. I covet your prayers as next week I'll have to try and straighten this out and see if I'm even still able to adopt a child. Just typing that and considering it shatters my heart all over again. I need to be able to remain calm, but it is a topic that boils my blood. Children, innocent children made in the image of God, hoping that one day it will be their turn to get a family; are at the mercy of a system which seemingly cares very little about them. God is passionate about families, about caring for orphans - He's placed that passion in my heart and I ache witnessing the injustice of it all... and a lot of it is avoidable. How can I remain calm in the face of such injustice?

Pray God will give me words and peace - He's my only hope.

Vanished

Hi friends,

This is a far more somber post than I usually make... I'm going to tell you about a recent experience I shared with my friends who run a local orphanage, Beautiful Gate, in Lesotho. Actually I'm going to use her words as I feel she beautifully captured in her blog exactly what I was feeling...

A mother showed up at Beautiful Gate (BG) with her new born child. She had gone to the government and explained she could not care for the child. Instead of the government just taking the child, they talked with her and then gave her some advice (of which I will not share on this blog). The mother left upset. She came to BG knowing that we care for children and tried to give us the child. (This was not the advice of the government). She told our staff member that if we didn't take the child she would abandon it. Because of the laws and regulations that we have to adhere to, we cannot just take a child from someone without the proper forms and documentation. Our hands were tied. To say we were stuck between rock and a hard place would be an understatement. If we take a child without proper paperwork and the mother vanishes, that child will be forever stuck in the system. If we sent the child with her, we feared she may follow through on the threats she was making. Our staff members talked the mother and asked her to make right choices for this child. We knew we couldn't take the child in without getting in trouble with the government. Instead of just sending her on her way we gave her some diapers and formula and then drove her and the child to her house. When our staff left her, they realized she had nothing and even though we went above what we were suppose to by giving her diapers, formula and a ride, she had no bottle to make the formula in. Our staff then decided to get a bottle from BG and bring it back to the mother. When they got there, she was gone. The following morning our staff went back again and the mother and child were not there.

She vanished...

My only hope in situations like this is that God knows right where they are. He knows the mother. He knows the child. He knows their pain and He will work to bring about good in this situation. He has to! My hope is that even though people vanish, God will never vanish from them. He has them in the grip of His hand and won't let go. - C. Terpstra

It's an impossible choice... having to turn away a mother and baby at risk knowing that if you don't obey their rules, the government could come and close down all operations at BG, sending more than 60 children out on the street. 

I spend each Wednesday night at Beautiful Gate with my closest friends. I was there the night this mother came, I watched my friends and several staff members agonize over this impossible choice. I found myself saying, "I'll take the baby... could I take the baby?" knowing it wasn't legal but unable to stomach the possibility of this child being abandoned. Would you join me in praying for the following:

• At-risk children in Lesotho

• Women who feel they have no choice other than to abandon their child

• The staff at Beautiful Gate Orphanage who care for the needs of children aged 5 and under. They truly are the hands and feet of Jesus!

• My heart as I hear stories of abandoned or orphaned children and want nothing more than to give one of them a forever family and home.

How to encourage a missionary...

Yesterday I wrote a letter to Mrs. Steiger's third-grade class at Friends Christian School. It was in response to their letter, specifically to their questions about me, my life and ministry here. What I didn't include were the comments and encouraging words they included with their questions... here's some of what they said:

• The land (Lesotho) seems really pretty.
• We like the way you preach God.
• We really like what you are doing.
• We encourage you to tell more people about God.
• We pray you will be safe on your journey.
• May God be with you and bless you.

These students are studying Paul and how he was a tent maker and missionary. Knowing that their study of Paul is what was motivating their questions to me, it's honoring and very humbling. They know I'm a missionary who does accounting so they were comparing how my life might be like Paul's - woah!

I believe God placed a call to missions on my heart when I was 8... the same age as many of these children. It happened when I heard a missionary kid speak about her life in The Philippines. It is my prayer that perhaps knowing about my life would resonate and ignite a calling in the lives of these children - who knows but maybe one of them will also become a missionary!

If you are a teacher - I'd love to be a pen pal with your students! Whether it is about culture, social studies, and history to a public school or about missions with a Christian school, I'd love to share a glimpse of Africa with your class. Shoot me an email kimberlybaker@maf.org anytime - I usually can respond within a week, though you can ask Karen Steiger, I usually respond much faster ;)

Another letter to a third grade class

Hello friends in Mrs. Steiger’s Class!

Thanks for taking the time to read my letter and to write again, what a blessing it was to receive your email. Today in Lesotho it is very chilly but we have crystal clear skies – I can see all the way to the mountains. Maybe someday you’ll get to come visit me here, it is a beautiful country. All of the grass that was green is now turning brown and all the leaves are changing colors and dropping to the ground. One of the craziest things about living in Lesotho is the seasons. We are in the southern hemisphere which means that while you are having warm weather in the spring, we are getting colder each day because it is autumn. Usually it’s no big deal, but I still have a hard time having a really hot Christmas and a freezing 4^th of July – even after 5 years it still feels weird J Can you imagine having snow on the 4^th of July?

I hope you enjoyed the pictures and answers to your questions… looks like you have some more questions, so why don’t we get to them now? I’m going to answer the table groups as they wrote to me:

Table 1:

When was the last time you had pizza? I had pizza about a week ago, we have a chain here called Roman’s Pizza and it is pretty yummy… one of the flavors here is called Fiji, it is bacon and banana. At first I thought, “Who would put banana on a pizza??!!” but you know what, now I really like it!

How old were you when you started preaching about God? I think I have been sharing my faith since I was about your age, but preaching? I guess I preached officially when I was 41 years old. Here’s a picture from that day, I was preaching at Maseru United Church:

When was the last time you went to a fast food restaurant? We have a KFC here and I got chicken for lunch while I was running errands last Thursday, April 30^th.

Table 2:

What type of house do you live in? I live in a town home, here they call it a flat. It has 3 small bedrooms, one bathroom, and a toilet room upstairs and a small kitchen and family room downstairs with a one car garage. Here you don’t often put the toilet in the same room with your shower/bathtub. The toilet is in a very small room like a closet. I also have a small garden in the back. I live there with Em & Henry my cats.

Are you enjoying Africa? I really am, I love living here but by far the hardest part is being so far away from family and friends.

Table 3:

Are there crickets in Africa? Yes, though they are quiet now because it is cold outside. We also have grasshoppers – and they are HUGE!

Do they play football/soccer? Soccer is by far the most popular sport followed by rugby and cricket. No American football here but at the gym they have basketball courts and tennis courts and squash court too.

What kind of clothes do they wear? Most Basotho dress just like we do with one very large exception. Here, especially in winter, most people wear a Basotho blanket or even a regular blanket like we would wear a coat or jacket. The Basotho blanket is made of wool, it is very heavy and keeps you very warm. I have a Basotho blanket and I’ll wear it in winter over my clothes since we do not have a heater in the hangar and sometimes the temperature in my office is in the low 40’s – brrrrrr!

Table 4:

Do you eat modern food we eat here? Yes, almost everything there can be made here. The biggest difference is you have to make it, you can’t just go and by something already made. I really miss good Mexican food though. We have to make our own tortillas and then we can make tacos, or chips or enchiladas or whatever from them. Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving, I made pumpkin pie:

Did you bring any food from the U.S.? I did. I brought tarragon which is one of my favorite spices but one I haven’t found here. I brought chocolate chips, butterscotch chips and toffee chips for baking, ranch dressing packets, canned pumpkin, Reece’s peanut butter cups and candy canes as these are all things you cannot find here. Reece’s are my favorite candy and many of my missionary friends like them too, so I shared them.

Table 5:

Do you have kids? I don’t… yet. I am in the process of adopting an orphan here, I’ve asked for a girl between the ages of 3-4. So hopefully one day soon I will have a daughter.

Do you play any sports there? I love to swim, but for enjoyment not competitively. Sometimes we’ll play soccer or volleyball or Frisbee for fun, volleyball is my favorite.

What is the weather like there? Right now it is getting chilly here. The autumn and winter are our dry seasons usually. There will be snow in the mountains and sometimes we’ll even get snow in Maseru but it will only last a day or two. Houses here do not have central heat or air conditioning, nor do they have insulation as most homes are made of sandstone or bricks with tin roofs. This means it can get as hot and cold inside as it is outside. Right now the temperature in the morning is in the 40s and it will reach the 70s during the day. My bedroom was 50* this morning when I jumped out of bed. I have never enjoyed hot running water as much as I do here in Lesotho. If it is too cold the pipes will freeze and I’ll not have water until they thaw. Sometimes the water or power will be off which will also keep me from a warm shower in the morning.

Thank you all again for taking the time to write, if you have any more questions I’d be only too happy to answer them! Maybe if we can arrange it, I could make a skype call to your classroom and we could talk face to face, well sort of.

I pray God is blessing you and that you finish your school year well!

Blessings,

Kimberly ‘Mamosa Baker