Choosing love in the face of apathy

Since my last blog post I have been in a heart-sore place. While there are many wonderful things about Lesotho, my least favorite thing here is the crippling apathy that is manifest in every level of society from the way people drive, to the running of government offices, to late payments or worse non-payment of bills... there is this pervasive sense of resignation and nonchalance. It reminds me of the final words from Bohemian Rhapsody:

"Nothing really matters, anyone can see... nothing really matters... nothing really matters to me."

OK for a song I suppose, but for the mindset of a country... not so much.

Fighting against apathy is an exercise in futility - as Solomon wisely observed, it is like beating the wind. A tremendous amount of energy expended and very little to anything accomplished. It's tiring me in every way; mentally, physically and emotionally. 

Yet with this exhaustion, there has been peace and there has been joy too. I know God is with me in this battle and I'm discovering there is still so much in me that needs refining. It is when I am up against apathy that the ugliness in me leaps to the surface. I find that while I'm normally patient, in the face of apathy I easily lose patience. While I'm not using inappropriate language, and I'm not screaming, my delivery could certainly use more gentleness and humility. I keep asking myself, even though I'm upset by their actions, and what I perceive as a lack of care...

Is it my first priority in my interactions with Basotho, that they know I love them, can they see Jesus in me? 

I have a long way to go on the road to Christ-likeness, but I'm grateful that God continues to chip away at my character flaws. I've got to tell you friends, having the ugly in me brought out to the surface - it's not my favorite thing. Who likes having to stare face to face into their character flaws?

The Bible has something to say on this score too...

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:22-24

Do what it says... what it says more than any other thing is to love. 

Broken

***Warning*** This is about as raw and honest as I know how to be, I've prayed and wondered if I should even share this, but as I was writing to my MAF teammates I realized that many of you who read these words are also my teammates. You care for me, pray for me, financially support me - and you should know how to direct your prayers. I covet your prayers more than ever before and I deeply love you and thank you for carrying me to Jesus, especially in this matter. This was written to my MAF teammates - hopefully it will make sense to you. Please feel free to ask questions or for clarification if you would like to know more.

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from a number I didn't recognize - usually I tend to not answer, but I did. It was one of the Social workers. She called to inform me that another home visit is needed - this is because when she came in August last year, my water meter was broken. I'm sure some of you remember that event and prayed it would all work out for me in spite of not being able to wash clothes or do dishes, clean my home, etc. I had just returned from being away 10 days to discovering the water issue. It was during that holiday that they decided they MUST IMMEDIATELY see my home. It might be worth mentioning they said they were going to come in March... they finally got around to me in August. Are you seeing the pattern here?

All this to say, I shared with 'Me that I was home with a cold and that it wouldn't be possible for me to go to get her, bring her to my home to conduct an inspection and then drive her back to her workplace. I further asked why, when I have called them every month and in fact had done so just last Thursday to confirm the next matching meeting was to be held the following day. (That meeting as you know has been postponed and not yet rescheduled) But I asked why is it that she hadn't ever mentioned the need for another home inspection? I reminded her that I work and were I not home ill, I would have been out at the international airport without my car as I carpool, and wouldn't have been able to drop everything just so they could verify that I have water. And by the way, I told her the water meter was repaired the day after her visit 10 months ago - why is it only now that this has become an issue? I had shared with her when she was in my home that as soon as I dropped her off I was going to WASCO to get the meter fixed - and I did. Does this mean that the past 10 months I really wasn't eligible to adopt? 

I have to be honest, I'm in a bad place. I was tired, I was sick, I was caught off guard and I wasn't as calm as I would have liked to have been. I'm now wondering if I have done irreparable damage to my case. If because Social Welfare cannot or will not plan ahead, I'm now being punished because I was frustrated in my response. When I asked her does this affect my case? Am I not able to be matched until you see my home? When will the next meeting be? She answered by saying, 

"I can see you are upset, we'll talk another time." 

I told her NO, I want to understand since this is the first I am hearing from you in 10 months and what I thought was sorted - seems to now be a problem. A problem you want to resolve immediately but have never mentioned to me until this moment. And unfortunately a problem I'm not in a position to resolve with so little warning.

Friends, I'm as broken as I have ever been... short of the day my Father died (I was 14) and the day I was in the accident involving a child in Mokhotlong (5 years ago) - this has been the most excruciating experience in my life. And the truth is - it isn't about me, not really; it is about the children. Orphans who are institutionalized, and they are the lucky ones as many aren't even in orphanages. Children who are stuck in a system that is run by apathy and nonchalance. Children who don't realize how many people are in line just waiting to welcome them into a loving family. Children who are the innocent victims and who with every passing day will have a harder time adjusting and bonding to loving parents/families. It makes me sick! Truthfully if I could fix the system and it meant I gave up my right to mother one of the aforementioned children, I would do so in a heart beat. I know of several families who wanted to specifically adopt Basotho children but gave up because it was taking so long - they ended up getting children from Ethiopia, Kenya, etc. There are children here that would have had a home, but it was forfeited for them by Social Welfare and their inaction - infuriating!


I'm tired and I'm desperately sad. I want to continue to fight, but it's hard - so hard. These aren't just orphans - these are children, some of whom I know, who know me. They aren't nameless and faceless. I've fed them and held them and smeared vaseline on them after bath time. I've sung and played - I've ached when they cried when I had to put them down and walk away. I know some of their stories and I've cried out to God for them that He would give them a loving home, and a family of their own. That He would redeem the ugly they've already endured in their short lives and restore what the locusts have eaten... You know me, you know my heart and you know how much I have longed for a child of my own. 

I'm honestly not sure where things stand now. I'm nervous that in my exhaustion and aggravation I've shot myself in the foot, so to speak. I covet your prayers as next week I'll have to try and straighten this out and see if I'm even still able to adopt a child. Just typing that and considering it shatters my heart all over again. I need to be able to remain calm, but it is a topic that boils my blood. Children, innocent children made in the image of God, hoping that one day it will be their turn to get a family; are at the mercy of a system which seemingly cares very little about them. God is passionate about families, about caring for orphans - He's placed that passion in my heart and I ache witnessing the injustice of it all... and a lot of it is avoidable. How can I remain calm in the face of such injustice?

Pray God will give me words and peace - He's my only hope.

Vanished

Hi friends,

This is a far more somber post than I usually make... I'm going to tell you about a recent experience I shared with my friends who run a local orphanage, Beautiful Gate, in Lesotho. Actually I'm going to use her words as I feel she beautifully captured in her blog exactly what I was feeling...

A mother showed up at Beautiful Gate (BG) with her new born child. She had gone to the government and explained she could not care for the child. Instead of the government just taking the child, they talked with her and then gave her some advice (of which I will not share on this blog). The mother left upset. She came to BG knowing that we care for children and tried to give us the child. (This was not the advice of the government). She told our staff member that if we didn't take the child she would abandon it. Because of the laws and regulations that we have to adhere to, we cannot just take a child from someone without the proper forms and documentation. Our hands were tied. To say we were stuck between rock and a hard place would be an understatement. If we take a child without proper paperwork and the mother vanishes, that child will be forever stuck in the system. If we sent the child with her, we feared she may follow through on the threats she was making. Our staff members talked the mother and asked her to make right choices for this child. We knew we couldn't take the child in without getting in trouble with the government. Instead of just sending her on her way we gave her some diapers and formula and then drove her and the child to her house. When our staff left her, they realized she had nothing and even though we went above what we were suppose to by giving her diapers, formula and a ride, she had no bottle to make the formula in. Our staff then decided to get a bottle from BG and bring it back to the mother. When they got there, she was gone. The following morning our staff went back again and the mother and child were not there.

She vanished...

My only hope in situations like this is that God knows right where they are. He knows the mother. He knows the child. He knows their pain and He will work to bring about good in this situation. He has to! My hope is that even though people vanish, God will never vanish from them. He has them in the grip of His hand and won't let go. - C. Terpstra

It's an impossible choice... having to turn away a mother and baby at risk knowing that if you don't obey their rules, the government could come and close down all operations at BG, sending more than 60 children out on the street. 

I spend each Wednesday night at Beautiful Gate with my closest friends. I was there the night this mother came, I watched my friends and several staff members agonize over this impossible choice. I found myself saying, "I'll take the baby... could I take the baby?" knowing it wasn't legal but unable to stomach the possibility of this child being abandoned. Would you join me in praying for the following:

• At-risk children in Lesotho

• Women who feel they have no choice other than to abandon their child

• The staff at Beautiful Gate Orphanage who care for the needs of children aged 5 and under. They truly are the hands and feet of Jesus!

• My heart as I hear stories of abandoned or orphaned children and want nothing more than to give one of them a forever family and home.

How to encourage a missionary...

Yesterday I wrote a letter to Mrs. Steiger's third-grade class at Friends Christian School. It was in response to their letter, specifically to their questions about me, my life and ministry here. What I didn't include were the comments and encouraging words they included with their questions... here's some of what they said:

• The land (Lesotho) seems really pretty.
• We like the way you preach God.
• We really like what you are doing.
• We encourage you to tell more people about God.
• We pray you will be safe on your journey.
• May God be with you and bless you.

These students are studying Paul and how he was a tent maker and missionary. Knowing that their study of Paul is what was motivating their questions to me, it's honoring and very humbling. They know I'm a missionary who does accounting so they were comparing how my life might be like Paul's - woah!

I believe God placed a call to missions on my heart when I was 8... the same age as many of these children. It happened when I heard a missionary kid speak about her life in The Philippines. It is my prayer that perhaps knowing about my life would resonate and ignite a calling in the lives of these children - who knows but maybe one of them will also become a missionary!

If you are a teacher - I'd love to be a pen pal with your students! Whether it is about culture, social studies, and history to a public school or about missions with a Christian school, I'd love to share a glimpse of Africa with your class. Shoot me an email kimberlybaker@maf.org anytime - I usually can respond within a week, though you can ask Karen Steiger, I usually respond much faster ;)

Another letter to a third grade class

Hello friends in Mrs. Steiger’s Class!

Thanks for taking the time to read my letter and to write again, what a blessing it was to receive your email. Today in Lesotho it is very chilly but we have crystal clear skies – I can see all the way to the mountains. Maybe someday you’ll get to come visit me here, it is a beautiful country. All of the grass that was green is now turning brown and all the leaves are changing colors and dropping to the ground. One of the craziest things about living in Lesotho is the seasons. We are in the southern hemisphere which means that while you are having warm weather in the spring, we are getting colder each day because it is autumn. Usually it’s no big deal, but I still have a hard time having a really hot Christmas and a freezing 4^th of July – even after 5 years it still feels weird J Can you imagine having snow on the 4^th of July?

I hope you enjoyed the pictures and answers to your questions… looks like you have some more questions, so why don’t we get to them now? I’m going to answer the table groups as they wrote to me:

Table 1:

When was the last time you had pizza? I had pizza about a week ago, we have a chain here called Roman’s Pizza and it is pretty yummy… one of the flavors here is called Fiji, it is bacon and banana. At first I thought, “Who would put banana on a pizza??!!” but you know what, now I really like it!

How old were you when you started preaching about God? I think I have been sharing my faith since I was about your age, but preaching? I guess I preached officially when I was 41 years old. Here’s a picture from that day, I was preaching at Maseru United Church:

When was the last time you went to a fast food restaurant? We have a KFC here and I got chicken for lunch while I was running errands last Thursday, April 30^th.

Table 2:

What type of house do you live in? I live in a town home, here they call it a flat. It has 3 small bedrooms, one bathroom, and a toilet room upstairs and a small kitchen and family room downstairs with a one car garage. Here you don’t often put the toilet in the same room with your shower/bathtub. The toilet is in a very small room like a closet. I also have a small garden in the back. I live there with Em & Henry my cats.

Are you enjoying Africa? I really am, I love living here but by far the hardest part is being so far away from family and friends.

Table 3:

Are there crickets in Africa? Yes, though they are quiet now because it is cold outside. We also have grasshoppers – and they are HUGE!

Do they play football/soccer? Soccer is by far the most popular sport followed by rugby and cricket. No American football here but at the gym they have basketball courts and tennis courts and squash court too.

What kind of clothes do they wear? Most Basotho dress just like we do with one very large exception. Here, especially in winter, most people wear a Basotho blanket or even a regular blanket like we would wear a coat or jacket. The Basotho blanket is made of wool, it is very heavy and keeps you very warm. I have a Basotho blanket and I’ll wear it in winter over my clothes since we do not have a heater in the hangar and sometimes the temperature in my office is in the low 40’s – brrrrrr!

Table 4:

Do you eat modern food we eat here? Yes, almost everything there can be made here. The biggest difference is you have to make it, you can’t just go and by something already made. I really miss good Mexican food though. We have to make our own tortillas and then we can make tacos, or chips or enchiladas or whatever from them. Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving, I made pumpkin pie:

Did you bring any food from the U.S.? I did. I brought tarragon which is one of my favorite spices but one I haven’t found here. I brought chocolate chips, butterscotch chips and toffee chips for baking, ranch dressing packets, canned pumpkin, Reece’s peanut butter cups and candy canes as these are all things you cannot find here. Reece’s are my favorite candy and many of my missionary friends like them too, so I shared them.

Table 5:

Do you have kids? I don’t… yet. I am in the process of adopting an orphan here, I’ve asked for a girl between the ages of 3-4. So hopefully one day soon I will have a daughter.

Do you play any sports there? I love to swim, but for enjoyment not competitively. Sometimes we’ll play soccer or volleyball or Frisbee for fun, volleyball is my favorite.

What is the weather like there? Right now it is getting chilly here. The autumn and winter are our dry seasons usually. There will be snow in the mountains and sometimes we’ll even get snow in Maseru but it will only last a day or two. Houses here do not have central heat or air conditioning, nor do they have insulation as most homes are made of sandstone or bricks with tin roofs. This means it can get as hot and cold inside as it is outside. Right now the temperature in the morning is in the 40s and it will reach the 70s during the day. My bedroom was 50* this morning when I jumped out of bed. I have never enjoyed hot running water as much as I do here in Lesotho. If it is too cold the pipes will freeze and I’ll not have water until they thaw. Sometimes the water or power will be off which will also keep me from a warm shower in the morning.

Thank you all again for taking the time to write, if you have any more questions I’d be only too happy to answer them! Maybe if we can arrange it, I could make a skype call to your classroom and we could talk face to face, well sort of.

I pray God is blessing you and that you finish your school year well!

Blessings,

Kimberly ‘Mamosa Baker

Tea with the Queen

Over the weekend was the, "DO NOT MISS EVENT" to quote Queen 'Me 'MaSenate...

The 4th Annual Queen's Garden Party. This event is held to raise funds for a Charity Trust the Queen established 30 years ago to assist at risk children, specifically to fund their education. I have attended the tea before, but this year I stepped in to host a table for a friend who was away on holiday. What a hoot! As hostess I was able to invite some ladies from my Bible study and some MAF friends and their daughters.

For my women friends who attend Rose Drive Friends, this is like the Christmas Desserts... only with royalty.

The highlight for me was having a brief moment with the Queen before the guests arrived. We were getting the tables organized and 'Me 'MaSenate had walked up behind me.  When I turned around I recognized her and was able to greet her in Sesotho and thank her for the opportunity to share the day with her... she replied in English,

"Your Sesotho is very, very good, 'Me... I'm glad you are here as a friend to Lesotho."

I certainly don't speak as much Sesotho as I would like, but (according to the Queen) I do speak it well. I'm told I have hardly any American accent at all.

It's always worth celebrating the little victories! Here are some pictures from the event... enjoy!

Barb & V

I'd love to know what Barb said to elicit the Queen's reaction!

Proteas & Peacock Feathers - exercising my flower arranging skills

Elizabeth, Sara's daughter.

Emma, Joselyn's daughter

Evelyn, a dear friend - isn't she stunning at 92?

The flower arrangement

Annie was a finalist in the running for the best hat

Joselyn, Emma, Annie & Melisa - MAF teammates

Mmmmmmmmmmm Makoenya - so yummy!

Mamie, another friend in her 80's... love her smile

Melisa won a prize in the drawing

Our moment with the Queen... such a gracious hostess!

Sara

The Queen and her Aunt, who has become a good friend of mine.

The Belles of the Ball... all of them in their 70's or older

The Queen's Speech

Our Table

Blessed to be a Blessing...

Hi Family & Friends!

The last posts I wrote were as a result of a conversation I had with Merrill ('Me Palesa) a missionary friend living in the remote village of Manamaneng. She shared that she had been sharing Christ with her neighbor, who also happens to be the son of her landlord, Ntate Lehlohonolo. I encourage you if you haven't already read them to go and do so before continuing with this post.

You can read part one here and the second part here.

All caught up??? Great! Let's continue the story...

This afternoon I had a chance to speak with Ntate Sefiri, our MAF Chaplain, about his visit to Manamaneng over the weekend. I'm going to give you a recap of what he shared with me, settle in because it's about to get good:

Sefiri flew up in one of our MAF Cessna 206 planes to Manamaneng on Friday morning and immediately began the 45 minute walk to the village. He spent many hours with Lehlohonolo sharing about the demands of the Christian life, being truthful about the difficulties he may face with his family and friends should he decide to be baptized as a believer. Sefiri wanted to make certain that Lehlohonolo knew the weight of the decision he was making. He made sure Lehlohonolo understood about Lordship, obedience, persecution and living life as a new creation. Sefiri said Lehlohonolo had many, many questions but was resolved that he would be baptized. In Lehlohonolo's words,

"I know it will be difficult with my family, and with the village, but I am ready for it."

On Saturday morning, Ntate Sefiri and Ntate Khotalo were able to baptize TWO men: Ntate Lehlohonolo and another man from Manamaneng who Khotalo has been sharing with since 2012. (Unfortunately Sefiri couldn't remember the other man's name)

Didja catch that?? 

Not one but TWO men were immersed as Believers on Saturday. Not only did God answer our prayer for Lehlohonolo's faith, but now he has a believing companion in his village - PTL! God has done exceedingly, abundantly more than what we were praying for less than a week ago!

I've shared in an earlier post the word Lehlohonolo means blessing, could he have a more appropriate name? I believe that God will use him to be a blessing to his entire village; as they witness his changed life, they will want to know the ONE who was able to make the changes possible.

Ntate Lehlohonolo sharing his horse - what a great smile! Picture by Honaker

While there is incredible joy, there is sure to be hardship ahead for these two new brothers in the Lord. Can I ask you, right now, to please stop for a moment and to pray for these men?

Thank you in advance for your prayers, if you would like to share your prayers or encouragement for Ntate Lehlohonolo you can email them to me at kimberlybaker@maf.org and I'll make sure he knows there are brothers and sisters all over the world who are praying for him.